This is because I started a mini rant yesterday, and I wanted to finish.
You know, I hadn't intended to see the movie, "Decoys," in the first place, but my friend, Ward, was going, and I though "What the Hell. It can't be that bad." At the time I was more worried about the scariness factor. Fortunately (or unfortunately?), that was not my biggest concern once the show started.
My first clue should have been that there were only about 8 people in the theatre (including the 4 of us). I have to say that the plot didn't do anything for me, and neither did the dialogue, really...So much about this movie just ended up being lame.
I mean, the main character (also known as "Luke") spends a good portion of the movie see-sawing back and forth on these "girls," even though he saw actual proof that they were aliens (they had tentacles flying out of their mid-sections and they listened to Yanni)! I mean, yeah, he was drunk, but I've never heard of someone hallucinating because they had a few beers!
He also seems to have access to all kinds of areas that I would have thought to be out of bounds to civilians....You know, like the morgue...I have never heard of a person just wandering into an area like that without having some kind of permission to be there. I mean, maybe if there was a family bond or something, he would be allowed to see the body for closure...But he was not related to the deceased...he didn't even like the guy. And the whole place looked like it was shut down for the night. Generally, when places like this are totally devoid of any kind of supervision, they're locked up tight in order to keep morons like Luke here from tampering with the bodies!
I could go into the dialogue itself, but I've tried to block this experience from my mind...I'll just say that such gems as "The belt of Orion...How 'bout the belt of O'fryin'!" Have kept me up at night...
I wish I could explain better the whole sequence of events leading up to Luke's discovery of the possible use of tentacles...First of all, the doctor is doing his autopsy of the first murder. The body has been frozen totally solid from the inside out. Did I mention that the deceased also has the most amazingly hilarious look that has ever been frozen into position! I can't even describe it to you....I doubt I could even duplicate it for you if you came to my house and asked me to try. And I would indeed try for you, just to share the hilarity! Anyway, back to the tentacle story...He's been frozen, and the doctor explains to Detective Kirk that there is evidence that something has been forced down the guy's throat...To make it simpler for the Detective that never actually solves his case, the doctor shows Kirk a white board with a vague representation of the dead guy's profile. The doctor then scribbles a line down the picture's throat. Enter a few hours later, our hero Luke...who sees this drawing, and whispers to himself, "A tentacle." What makes this really funny is that the way that the doctor drew it, the line could be going either way, up or down...For all Luke knows, it could be a diagram of some guy throwing up...
Then there's the quasi love story between one of the aliens and Luke best buddy...Buddy kinda looks like a heavy Elijah Wood....If you don't see it, it doesn't really matter, it's not relevant to the story...Anyway, Buddy falls in love with one of the aliens, and she confesses the whole plan to him. Then Buddy dies as a result of having sex with the alien...So I guess it would never have worked out between them, if he was gonna go and die all the time... This sends Luke into a murderous rage, and in the end he kills all the aliens.
Oh, but wait...Luke's girl buddy turns out to be one of them! DUN DUN dun....The End...
In short, this was an hilarious movie, but not because the makers wanted it to be funny. I laughed my ass right off in the theatre. I'd probably get the VHS or something, just because I happen to like awful movies for the stupidly funny factor. But I wish I hadn't wasted the $10.00 to see it in a theatre.
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